I would have jumped for joy, had I been the sort of person who indulged in outward displays of happiness. As it was I merely felt overwhelming relief. Mrs Mapletoft wasn't coming. Mrs Mapletoft wasn't ever coming again!
I had inherited Mrs Mapletoft when I had first rented the flat in Margaret Thatcher Court, the blocks of fine upmarket apartments in the centre of town, five years before. And I had found it impossible to get rid of her. I find it difficult to assert myself and just lacked the moral courage. I was the sort of person who found it difficult to stand up to dominant women, so Mrs M had stayed. All those years.
She was nominally my cleaner, but nominally was as far as it got. From the first she explained that she didn't do 'heavy' work - "On account of me back", so she expected the heavy work to have been done before she arrived, and she 'didn't do no ladders', and she 'didn't do no kneeling nor nuffin'. In the end she spent ninety-five percent of the time sitting in an armchair drinking tea and smoking endless cigarettes and five percent doing some light dusting, for which she received the princely sum of ten pounds an hour.
Now she had rung in to say that she had won a million pounds on the lottery and I could stuff my miserable job, and she wasn't going out for anything, except to pick up her dole money.
I felt as if I'd won the lottery. Now I could get a proper cleaner. Down the paper shop they had postcards in the window. A girl called Sharon was offering to 'do' for men. 'All requirements catered for. Phone number on request' was what it said. It sounded just the thing. It didn't sound as if Sharon would object to heavy work or going up ladders. No more Mrs M! I almost smiled. I enquirer of Sharon from the lady who ran the shop.
Her eyes opened wide.
"Ooh!" She said, "You’ll get more from Sharon than you expect mind. She has her ways, a bit of a reputation. Can you handle her do you think?"
More than I expect. A good reputation! This was sounding better than ever. She might even clean behind the sideboard and under the bed. Mrs M would never do under the bed - 'Can't see the point', that's what she used to say.
I rang Sharon.
"I'm a big strong lass," she said, "If I come and do for you, I'm in charge. Is that understood?"
"Absolutely," the girl sounded like a real treasure. I could leave everything to her.
Then I set about doing the 'heavy' cleaning. Mustn't upset the new girl.
The bell rang and I rushed to open it.
"I'm Sharon," she said. She didn't look the sort to be easily upset. She would have been five foot ten in her stockinged feet, if she had been in her stockinged feet; she was big, she was blousy and blonde, "Can I come in?"
She was dressed in a uniform of white cotton overalls. I always had a thing about girls in uniforms.
"Yes, yes," I stood back and let her I'm. She stood with her hands on her hips and surveyed the room.
"Needs bottoming," she pronounced.
"Oh... Er yes," I said.
"Well go away and let me get on with it then. I'm in charge remember."
"Don't you need a hand moving the furniture?"
"Why would I need that? I'm a big strong lass. You go and sit down. You'll put your back out if you try and move any of that stuff."
I was a bit put out by that. She must have thought I was a weakling. But she had a sort of authority about her - especially in that uniform!
I sat down and watched as Sharon effortlessly pulled out a big cabinet. I didn't like the inference. Sharon had suggested that I couldn't manage a job she did with ease. She had implied I wasn't as strong as a girl - even if the girl was a big strong lass. My pride had been dented. This was almost worse than Mrs M. I would have to do something about it.
Unable to sit and watch any more I ran over to where Sharon was lifting the sideboard. She really was going to clean behind the sideboard.
"Here, let me help," I shouted grabbing one end.
"Eek!" Sharon, taken by surprise, let go of her end and I took all the weight. I felt a sort of sudden pain in my spine. I’d put my back out.
"Silly man," said Sharon, "what did you go and do that for. I'm in charge and I told you I was a big strong lass."
I held my back feeling like an idiot. I was feebler than a girl.
"Here, let's have a look," said Sharon poking me with her fingers. I winced.
"You've put it out," she said, "I told you you would. What you want is a good hot bath."
"No, no, it's all right," I protested, but Sharon paid no attention, marched over to the bathroom and turned on the taps.
"Here, you go and soak in that. It'll do you a world of good."
I felt embarrassed even at the thought of being naked in the bath with Sharon in the house, but what could I do. I’d made a fool of myself. The water was already running. Sharon had given me an order, she was a bossy girl, and she was wearing a uniform. I couldn't stand up to bossy girls. Especially ones in uniform. And Sharon was in charge.
I went sheepishly into the bathroom, carefully locked the door and took my clothes off.
There was a knock on the door, I unlocked it and peered round the open door.
"Would you like a cup of tea?"
"Oh... Er... Yes," I said. Mrs Mapletoft had never offered me a cup of tea. I had a real treasure here. Even if she was rather bossy.
"And there's no need to lock the door! Did you think I was going to burst in on you?"
"Er... No," said I.
"And," Sharon winked at me, "Nice bum," she nodded over my shoulder. I looked round horrified. I had thought I was hidden behind the door and there I was, my bare behind visible in the bathroom mirror.
I slammed the door shut red faced, went to turn the key and then remembered, I’d been ordered not to lock it. She was in charge. She would hear me if I did. She would be cross with me. She’d already had a good laugh at my bare bottom. I couldn't bear the thought of her laughing at me any more. I left the door and stepped gingerly into the hot water.
The bath tub was nearly full of water as I lay back in it. I had to admit it. She was right. As I lay back in the steaming hot water the pain vanished. It was so relaxing,
I closed my eyes, relaxed and started to play subconsciously with my penis, like I always did in the bath. It was so relaxing. The sensation was delicious, I’d found a real treasure, a big strong lass. She was so efficient, so...
"Here's your tea..."
She was standing over me holding a mug. I was lying there naked with my hand on my penis! Oh My Gosh! I’d only met her an hour since and she’d seen my penis. Oh My Gosh! I’d been playing with my penis. It wasn't up or anything, but I’d still been playing with it. How long had she been standing there watching? It was too embarrassing for words.
"Well, aren't you going to take it then?" Sharon was grinning all over her face.
I took the mug. I didn't know what to say. I’d been caught with my hand on my penis and was too embarrassed for words.
"Thank you," I croaked at last.
"My pleasure," she replied, "very much my pleasure," she added looking down at my penis.
"Thank you," I croaked again, unsure whether I was thanking her for the tea or the compliment to my penis.
Sharon gave me a wink and walked towards the door.
She turned back as she was leaving, "One of the biggest, if not the biggest," she said.
"What," still burning with shame, I asked automatically.
"Yours," answered Sharon, "men always like to know. Yours is definitely one of the biggest."
"The biggest of what?"
"The biggest of the gentlemen I do for."
"Anyway, you've dumped all your clothes on the floor. I'll hang them up for you."
She picked them up and left closing the door behind her. I never noticed. I was still thinking about her comment. Realization suddenly dawned! Mine was one of the biggest. How was she able to compare. There was more to the big strong lass than met the eye.
Still, a smile of satisfaction crossed my face. Mine was one of the biggest. I wasn't surprised. I mean I've for a big one, I mean a really big one. You'd think having a really big one would make me assertive and confident, but it didn't. I still fell prey to bossy women.
I got out of the bath. Where on earth were my clothes? Bemused, and rather nervously, I wrapped a towel round myself and walked out into the sitting room. It was immaculate. In all the days of Mrs Mapletoft I had never seen it so clean.
Sharon was polishing the silver.
"How's the back?" she asked.
"Still a bit sore."
"Tell you what. Go and lie down on the bed and I'll give it a bit of a rub."
It seemed a bit beyond the call of duty to me, "No, no - I'll just go and get dressed."
Sharon stood with her hands on her hips.
"You do as you're told young man! I'm in charge remember."
I knew I was being bossed about again, but I didn't know how to resist.
"Oh, all right," I said. I lay on the bed flat on my stomach. I hadn't quite known what to expect, but what I hadn't expected was for Sharon to come in and whip my towel off, leaving me stripped stark naked in front of her.
My face went bright red and I squirmed, but it was too late to do anything now. Sharon was in charge.
Then I felt her thumbs in my back. She was a big strong lass and she had big strong thumbs. I shrieked as they pressed hard on the sore spot.
"Sorry," said Sharon, "this might hurt a bit," she pressed with her thumbs again.
I stuck my fist in my mouth to stop crying out, but the pain still made my eyes water. The tears ran down my flushed red face.
"Gosh, what a cry-baby," said Sharon, grinning.
"I'm not crying. It just makes my eyes water."
Sharon pressed harder, almost as if she enjoyed making my eyes water. She could do what she liked with me and she was going to make the most of it.
"Take a deep breath," she said, "this will hurt a bit, but you'll be all the better for it. Kill or cure!"
I felt the reassuring pat on my bum. What on earth was I doing stripped naked and being patted on my bare behind by my cleaner! Then I yelped again. She had dug her knuckles into my buttocks. The pain brought tears to my eyes again! But it brought an even more strange sensation. She must have been pressing hard on a nerve, because I felt a sensation like a little electric shock pass straight up the length of my penis right to the very tip. My eyes and my mouth opened wide and I let out an involuntary grunt.
"Oh oh ooooooh!"
Sharon saw the reaction and knew she had hit the spot.
"That feel good?" She asked, "I'm a big strong lass, and you have to be a big strong lass to do it,” She dug her knuckles in again and again the tingle went right up my penis.
"A friend taught me that," she said, "and all my gentlemen love it. Pain and pleasure at the same time."
She pressed in again.
I didn't know what to do. I was biting on my knuckles to try and stop myself shouting out as the knuckles pressed into my bum, at the same time my penis felt as if it was being continually stimulated by an electric wand.
Finally I breathed a sigh of relief. The 'treatment' had stopped.
Sharon slapped my bottom.
"That should do it," she said, "turn over now."
Turn over! Face up! Naked!
She’d see my penis! Not that she hadn't seen it already - but!
She slapped my bottom again.
"Come on. Don't be shy!"
Bossy girls. I could never resist them. And Sharon was a big strong lass, and she was in charge. I did as I was told. After all, I was naked and a big strong lass in a uniform was giving me orders.
I turned over and red in the face looked down at my penis. Then something extraordinary happened. The constant pressure on the nerve to my penis must have numbed it. Now the sensation was coming back making my penis tingle. The constant tingling in my penis grew and grew in intensity and as it did so it started to swell. Oh no! Naked in front of my cleaner, my penis was feeling as if it was being stroked by an invisible hand. I had never been so embarrassed in my life.
Sharon looked down smiling in satisfaction as my penis rose to attention.
"I knew you'd be pleased by that," she said grinning, "It always works and that must be, what, nearly eight inches!"
I nodded. I was so overwhelmed by embarrassment I could hardly say a thing. My cock was throbbing. I was going to... I was going to have to...
I took hold of my cock
It was as if an electric shock ran along it.
"Naughty boy,” said Sharon, "None of that now. Come on, this house won't clean itself."
Sharon was in charge and she'd done something very strange to my cock.